Paradise
by Zevus
Summary: The Leverage crew decides to take a trip to Las Vegas, but the vacation doesn't exactly work out as planned.


The Leverage crew was sitting around, bored as hell, obviously having nothing better to do.

Hardison was fiddling with some computer junk while Eliot watched him in silent disgust.

Sophie was attempting to learn a real sounding American accent while Nate checked out her ass.

Parker was investigating the newest brand of cereal.

Suddenly, Hardison got a great idea. He slammed his overly fancy laptop shut, waking Eliot up from where he was resting against the couch arm.

"Guys, instead of pulling off a ridiculously impossible con and pretending it would actually happen in the real world we could..." He drifted off, trying to add suspense in the air. "Go to Las Vegas!"

Parker thought it was a great idea, but the rest of the team didn't. Nate thought it would be stupid to go on a vacation when he could help others. Sophie claimed that everything in Nevada was "degrading to women." Eliot said Las Vegas was full of unfair crime.

Parker put her angry face on, and Hardison tried to mimic her. "We never do anything fun. Sophie, I'm sorry, but going to one of your three hour plays doesn't qualify as enjoyable."

Sophie gasped at Parker's statement, and almost rushed out of the door, but Nate stopped her.

Hardison cleared his throat, and spent ten minutes explaining to everybody why his idea was amazing. Finally, he turned to Nate. "Besides, I hear there's lots of bars there!"

And it was settled.

* * *

"This place is a dump." Sophie was squinting at the sun, despite having extra shady sungasses on.

The team were dressed as stereotypical tourists, an idea Nate thought of on the drive to Las Vegas.

"Why do we have to drive in this smelly old van anyway?" Eliot growled, staring up at the 60's Volkswagen van. He shoved his bags into one of the seats.

"Because, instead of using our millions and millions of dollars for a V.I.P. plane ride, we're going to use a more primitive way of transportation because that makes us better people." Nate explained, trying to discreetly shift something into the front seat.

Sophie caught him from where she was sitting in the passenger seat. "Nate! My god, you can't drink bloody whiskey when you're driving."

"Fine. I'll throw it out. See. Look!" Nate hurtled the bottle of whiskey at a rock, and it smashed into a million pieces.

Sophie stared at him, unconvinced. "The bottle was empty."

"What? Oh, yeah, but I didn't drink it." Nate put on his sexy smile, but Sophie crawled into the driver's seat anyway. "I'm driving."

The van didn't have an air conditioner, and Hardison needed to stop every five seconds because he claimed he had a small bladder.

So it was pretty much three guys and two girls in a sweaty van traveling across the country with no actual form of entertainment. "Computers are for the city!" Nate had said. Hardison had burst into tears, but just sulked the whole drive.

When they hit the Nevada deserts, it was the worst. Sophie decided since there wasn't anybody else on the road she could twist and turn the unstable van as a joke every five seconds. The door's latch opened, and Eliot ended up falling out, landing on a spiked rock.

Now they all were standing in Las Vegas, armed with cameras around their mosquito bitten necks, a map scrunched in their curled hands.

"It's not a dump." Parker looked around excitedly. "It's paradise."

"No. Look at the ground. There's trash and garbage and shit everywhere." Sophie pointed with her foot at an overturned trashcan spilling crap out of its right side.

"Guys, focus." Hardison waved his hands in the air. "Where do you wanna go? There's bars, casinos, even whorehouses!" He finished his last example with a sheepish grin. Eliot punched him in the arm, and his grin faded.

Between Hardison crying and Eliot yelling at him for being a worthless crybaby, nobody noticed Parker slip away. They did, however, notice when she screamed out "FREEDOM!" with her hands in the air, running towards a gray building suspiciously labeled "Las Vegas Crime Lab."

"Parker, get back here! "

"No!"

"Stop it!"

The team chased after her. Eliot tackled her, and clamped his hand over her mouth before she could try to alert the other tourists by claimed he was raping her.

"Parker, why did you do that? Why would you ever run toward the cops?" Sophie demanded as Parker brushed herself off.

"It looks cool. Look in the window. There's a bunch of fancy equipment." She pointed.

"Parker, there's no window."

"Well, there's a probably a bunch of fancy stuff."

Nate was peering at the building. "It wouldn't really be THAT bad if we went in and looked around, would it?"

"I guess not."

* * *

"Oh my, look a this one!" Sophie picked up a container of blood.

They were all in some kind of lab, inspecting the different gadgets. Nate had accidentally broken a microscope, but Sophie estimated that would only cost about twenty bucks, which she left in place of the broken microscope.

"Let me see." Eliot grabbed the tube of blood, but the force caused him to spill it on Hardison's stylish white shirt. "My bad."

"Naw, it's okay. You know, red actually looks pretty good on me." Hardison said. He grabbed another tube of blood and poured it on his shirt to even it out.

"Heh." Nate said. "How about some green." He dumped a container of greenish residue on Hardison's shoulder sleeve.

Soon, the whole team was spilling everything on Hardison, going from room to room, trying to make him as multicolor was possible.

So when the CSI crew walked in, it really wasn't a pretty site.

"What the hell?" Catherine screamed. Greg fainted. Grissom raised his eyebrows. Sara pretended she was too cool to care, and Nick flexed his chest muscles.

Eliot also flexed his chest muscles, but no one noticed.

"You just RUINED our whole investigation, as well as many others!" Catherine said angrily, staring at Hardison.

Grissom was scanning the room. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Wha-?"

Parker followed his gaze. "We found a bunch of bugs in some guy's office, and we put them all over Eliot. He's terrified of them. I guess they must have drowned in the blood or something."

Every CSI took their gun out, pointing them at the tourists. Sophie laughed. "Are you serious? Real CSIs don't HAVE guns."

Sara shot at her, but Nate threw himself in front of Sophie. He jumped too early, and he passed unhurt. The bullet still hit Sophie, Nate just ended up falling on a bunch of computers. "Ohhh, this looks fancy." He said, admiring a broken monitor.

By now cops were circling the five con artists, guns pointed. David Hodges had his water gun out, and was trying to help.

Sophie held the place in her abdomen the bullet penetrated. "Are you serious? I've had sex more painful than that."

"Sophie, NOBODY needed to hear that." Eliot growled.

Sara tackled the European, throwing her gun off to the side where the bad guys could get it. But none of them touched it.

When Sara jumped, all the cops jumped, and it was a fight to the death.

"I-It's like these tourists have fangs!" A rookie cop screamed.

"Dear God kill me now!" Screamed another, taking his gun and shooting himself.

The Leverage team was backed into a corner, growling and spitting. "We'll never make it out of here!" Wailed Hardison, dropping to his knees.

"Yes we will!" Nate screamed. "Quickly, Eliot, grab that Catherine person's body as a shield from the gunfire!"

"But she's still alive!"

"Exactly!" Nate pointed up to the sky.

* * *

Grissom stared at the broken crime lab. Bodies were strewn everywhere, limbs ripped apart, heads severed, cops scalped, and some even missing the skin on their faces.

But what disturbed him the most was the dead bugs piled into a massive heap. Their corpses stared at him, lifeless.

And Grissom stared up in amazement as the bug pile exploded, destroying him along with the whole office.

* * *

"Sophie, it was a great idea to pile up the bugs as a cover for the bomb." Nate declared, sticking his head out of the window.

Sophie blushed, and turned back to the road.

"Wasn't this a great trip?" Hardison was grinning at everyone.

"Yep. It sure was." Parker was spazzing with excitement from the past events.

Even Eliot couldn't help smile.

Sophie slowed the van down. "Let's take a moment to remember those brave officers which forced us to kill them. It's not our fault they were so ignorant and dimwitted." Sophie gripped the steering wheel. "Every life is significant, and we should honor their service with a moment of silence."

The team bowed their heads for a moment. A could of minutes of silence went by before Sophie finally spoke again.

"Wanna go get ice cream?"

"YEAH."


End file.
